It’s Official: Seinfeld Is the Best Show Ever

The home of big salads.

At long last, our most recent audience poll has come to a close.  In this, Abuse of Discretion‘s first somewhat-serious poll, we asked for your favorite among four popular television shows.  This poll had more voters than any previous poll, and the controversial results are as follows:

 

 

Which television show is best?
Seinfeld: 53%
The Simpsons: 23%
Sex and the City: 14%
Friends: 10%

The results are unsurprising.  Seinfeld clearly kicks ass, and every other show is just another Koko trying to be a T-Bone, and we all know that we can’t have two T-Bones.  I won’t go into all the reasons why Seinfeld dominates—it would require too much typing, and I’d much rather hate on the other shows instead.

Roughly a fourth of our readers voted for The Simpsons. This means roughly a fourth of our readers aren’t aware that they are still making new episodes of The Simpsons, which are about as entertaining as botulism.  It’s sad but true—The Simpsons is dead, and has been dead for a long time.  The story of The Simpsons is the story of the wealthy decedent in Weekend at Bernie’s: A vacuous corpse is propped up by a few opportunistic hacks and made to appear alive.  But Bernie is dead.  The Simpsons is dead.  Thank you, come again.

A handful of folks voted for Sex and the City, and I understand this.  I always viewed Sex and the City as “Seinfeld for girls,” except a bit more modern and possessing the freedom of language and content that HBO can provide.  I bet many more people would have voted for Sex and the City had the show-makers not completely tainted the show’s reputation with dreadful attempts at big-screen success.  (Something that The Simpsons fans apparently overlooked.)

Lastly, it looks like 10% of our readers accidentally selected Friends from the poll choices.  I apologize for not making the answer-selection interface more user-friendly.  Truly, there is no excuse for intentionally selecting Friends.  I didn’t want to make this poll too tough, so I thought I’d include an easy answer choice that readers could quickly dismiss before weighing the three real options.  In fact, Friends wasn’t even my first choice for this—I wanted to use Dharma and Greg, but I couldn’t remember how to spell “Dharma,” and I was too lazy to look it up.

Now before all you close-talkers and soup Nazis start making jerkstore jokes, please take a moment to answer this week’s poll, which has nothing to do with big salads.

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