Boobs vs. Balls Round 1: Baby Makin’ – Stop Procreation!


People should stop making babies for two simple reasons: 1. More people means less stuff for the rest of us 2. Loose vagina.

Point 1. The Earth and everything we depend on to live is finite. More people means they need more things which means that there is less stuff for the rest of us. As long as you are smarter than a retarded 4th grader this should be obvious to you.  What may not be so obvious is the implications of having less stuff.  We are already seeing the effects of this.  Food prices are now the highest they have ever been while gas prices are setting new records in America… and the latter is based on fear, just wait till it’s based on shortages (I’m so excited for next weekend’s fuel riot!).  Everything from electronics to action figures and furniture get more expensive to make when less resources are available. But hey, who hasn’t wanted to pay 50 bucks for a Barbie? The second problem this creates is environmental.  Using all this shit means that there will be more toxic stuff in our air, soil, rivers and oceans and less healthy habitats. For all you PETA people this means less places for cute little animals like Harp Seals to frolic while being chased by hunters with clubs.  While I’m all for becoming a tyrant ruler of mutants that will soon inhabit the Pacific Gyre I do prefer my fish without the mandatory side of mercury.  So what does this mean in real terms? Well, using more resources increases poverty, crime, disease and starvation as well as creates the ideal situation for war and revolution (Tunisia started over food riots). Gated communities with NATO no-fly zones anyone? Sign me up!

Point 2. Loose vaginas (the ones caused by child birth, not the ones caused by missing your sex addicts anonymous meeting) are no fun for anyone!  NOBODY LIKES THIS unless they have a fantasy of throwing a hot dog down a hallway.  Save the Kegel muscles!

Oh, you want to have sex? It’s called birth control, condoms or a vasectomy. Oh you want a kid? First of all, I think there must be something wrong with you. While the process of making babies is fun… actually having a baby is hell. After the thing explodes out a the woman causing point 2 of my argument it doesn’t stop complaining or speak English and you can’t reason with it! But if you still want a kid, then adopt one. There are plenty of kids out there who you should give a better life to before adding one more kid to the world just because you wanted your own one. Oh, you want a bunch of kids? Good thing there are nearly 145 million orphans in the world for you to choose from. Pull a Brangelina and create the model UN in your living room for all I care.  It’s kinda like baseball cards at this point for these people and it can be for you too if you want to roll with a grip of children. But, for the love of God, do not have a bunch of your own kids.  There will inevitably be ugly and dumb ones and the last the thing the world needs is more dumb ugly people.  Let’s take care of the ones we have before making more.  Yes, societies are aging and the elderly must be taken care of but that’s what robots are for. What about all the problems the world is facing now? Good thing we have produced a metric fuck-ton of people in the last 30 years; I’m sure some of them will figure out how to fix all those problems and, hopefully, not create any more.

The Bottom Line:

We are nearing a Malthusian catastrophe of epic proportions and there is only one way to avoid it. We need to be more efficient with how we procreate. Lets raise the kids we have before making more.  We can’t depend on techno fixes like we did with the green revolution for food in the 70’s and 80’s.  Do the right thing.  Make the world, and vaginas, a better place for all mankind.  The solution is simple – Don’t reproduce.


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comments 5 Responses

  • Here here!

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  • More dumb, ugly people also means more people that I’m better than, so I’d pay $50 for a Barbie to get the satisfaction of knowing that a bunch of other people couldn’t afford it. I also don’t care about affecting the environment because I’m not gonna be around long enough to see any ice ages or whatever. I also wouldn’t have sex with a mom, so the vagina thing doesn’t concern me. That being said, I’m not thrilled about the economic and moral aspects of paying for welfare babies and (inevitably) prison expansions. So I concur.

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  • What the hell is wrong with you people. If every one stopped having baby’s what kind of future do you think we are going to have. Children is what is going to save the human race. Having babies is not what is causing our environment issues. Its the crap that we pollute the air with like the cars we drive, gas, non Eco-friendly products, such as cleaning suplies, plastic. Why do you thing America is going green. To help the environment. If everyone stoped having babys then who would keep everything going. As for not having enough stuff to go around, come on stop crying like a baby. Grow up. There is plenty to go around. nobody lives forever who do you think is going to to make all that stuff you like or as you put it the robots well someone is going to its going to be children when they grow up to be adults maybe some will work on the stuff and some will monitor the robots. who knows? And about loose vaginas you really need to touch up on your female anatomy because after a women has a baby her vagina goes back to normal size not all at once no. But over a period of time and not years either just only months the vagina reconstructs itself you moron who ever told you that is seriously insecure about the size of there penis. Or there a piece of shit making up reasons to cheat on there wives or girlfriends. I think this whole thing is about some little bitch he doesn’t get anything first and is always last and is insecure about everything and is looking for something to blame it on. And nothing you mentioned about safe sex is 100% full proof so theres something for you to think about. But like every mother and father in this world will tell you YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR OWN KIDS SOMEDAY!!!!!

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  • The comments we get from random infuriated people are really amazing sometimes… I kind of love it.

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  • wat the crap is wrong wit u! without kids how we gonna keep people as a species?!?!?!?

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