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I was on the corner of 3rd and Traction when I first peered over the edge of the world. My feet had new-shoe-blisters which were being temporarily assuaged by my brand new, impulse-buy socks. The socks were orange, no, more…
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You know wagon trucks? Probably Not. No one does…at first. “What trucks?” people ask. So I remind them: wagon truck -noun 1. a compound vehicle composed of two independent parts: truck and wagon. The front is a pick-up truck, undersized…
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This post was published in honor of Liz Garcia who is celebrating her birthday today—on this actual day.1 People get so excited about birthdays—and not just their own. An acquaintance finds out it’s your birthday and she looks at you like…
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I think I am going to wait out this penis thing. I don’t know why everybody is talking about them. This week’s poll has pointed out that penis-related discussions are permeating this blog (which has been elsewhere referred to as…
Sometimes you can’t trust other people to wrap your 30pk case of Bud Light glass bakeware set for you.
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Those of you who were unaware that there are problems with having large pupils, it’s probably because your pupils are average-sized. You were born normal. Please, don’t pity us; don’t judge us; don’t laugh at us. Put yourself in our…
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I walked into class yesterday and the guy who sits next to me was eating mini muffins. Mini muffins. I didn’t know mini muffins were still around. I thought we had left them behind with Fruit by the Foot and…
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Hi. My name is Madeline and I don’t like reading. I didn’t think it was possible for this to happen to me. I’m an English major and a writer. I own over 200 books and exactly 139 classics including a…
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Jerry: Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing. Seinfeld, The Visa, NBC, 1/27/93